Evilness Revealed

It’s taught in John that a man who is evil remains in darkness and refuses to come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed by the Light. Reading this several years ago, I would have taken the word “evil” to mean "bad" people (fugitives, non churchgoers, drunks, addicts). While my own self-righteous standards would have tagged me as “bad” also, I reasoned with myself that I wasn’t quite “evil” so I must be good. I hope in reading this you can see how skewed my ideas about scripture were (because I wasn’t soaking myself in it). Jesus uses “evil” to describe our physical human existence and to teach about human depravity. In Romans, this concept is expounded on from Romans 1:18 to 3:20 as man’s need for God’s righteousness is explained. It wasn’t until God opened my heart for His Truth that I began understanding the depth of my hopelessness because “all our righteous acts are like filthy rags”. God showed me that I, the religious church going girl, was in fact evil in the flesh. I didn’t just experience this revelation one day, say a quick prayer, and then walk joyfully in the Light. I was crushed. Broken. I hated who I was and the “secret” sins I had been living with, the appearances I had kept up, and the pain I thought the truth would bring to everyone who loved me. I was frustrated and couldn't understand how to shake the ways of my flesh off. I was pretty slow in my walk with God, as you have probably gathered by now, and so I let myself become paralyzed with hopelessness for a little while. I could feel God rising in me and it was becoming clear where He could lead me, but I stopped for a pity party along the way and just sat at the brink of this overwhelming desire to jump off the cliff in complete faith with God. In hindsight, I can see that I severely underestimated the power of the Word. My “pity party” ended when I began studying and longing to fill my life with the relationship that God promises His children. Only then did I become aware of the steps to take in my life because only then did I begin seeing how God works. Only then was I in a position to allow God to transform me by the renewing of my mind. Newsflash: We cannot know how to follow and love God without getting into the love letter He sent specifically for the purpose of drawing us closer to Him. God brought me into His Light and exposed every evil deed in my life and heart. What a humbling yet glorious experience! How else would I recognize my utter desperation for His Spirit and love?

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Psalm 51:17

Will you pray for the faith and courage to be broken so you can be used?